John sat down staring hard at his phone. In all his experience with girls, no girl had given him such a hard time before. Agnes was an enigma – a puzzle he couldn’t unravel yet. He wanted to send her a message but something in him told him not too. He had been thinking all day – maybe he was being too clingy and gradually chasing her away instead of achieving his goal of winning her heart over. Maybe he needed to change strategy, maybe he needed to steer of girls completely, maybe…

Agnes picked up her phone excitedly when she heard the incoming message tone. Her smile vanished when she saw it was yet another broadcast message forwarded from her mother (African mothers sigh). She had been low-key expecting it would be John. She had been waiting for him to message her because she liked his company but suddenly it seemed he wasn’t as eager to talk as when they first met. Maybe she was being too cold and chasing him away in a big to ‘not be cheap’, maybe he had found another girl, maybe…


Do you see the pattern here? John didn’t message Agnes because he thought some things and Agnes didn’t message John because she thought some things. That my fellow humans is our problem.


Lol! Hello People welcome to Spoken Voiceless! January went by like a breeze (though some people said it was like 90 days really!) and it’s February!! Anyways hope ya’ll are good, back to my post


We humans find It easy to form ideologies and theorems and draw conclusions that we hold onto which are not necessarily true. Truth my example is just of a guy and a girl who like each other but we go deeper than that. Things like:

“The ember months are just bad months and months of bad luck”

“January is the longest month”

There are many others but the sad thing is when you already create ideologies like this – and mutually exclusive events occur – you feel you were right. For example, you fall badly sick in October and an aunt dies in December – you feel personally that the Ember months are bad while you could have fallen sick in March and your aunt died in May and it would be okay.

Let me go even deeper…

“Men are Scum”

This is another statement that chews me to the core. When you hold on to the ideology that men are scum or cheaters, you continue to live with it and subject the majority of men who don’t cheat to the cruel title their few negative counterparts rightly deserve.

What’s my point? My point is some of these things we say and believe and are cliché in our heads are not true!

I wish I had a megaphone but I’ll say this,



Some ladies are looking at this and are thinking “Oh yeah just another defender of masculinity”. Well let’s make a deal. Walk the breath of your area and take an analysis of every man – interview both them and their significant others and present the results. If you find that majority of the men there are scum then I’ll agree with you or we could do a whole world research. Don’t present opinions without data.

Because you or your friend fell in love with a boy who breaks hearts is not reason to say men are scum the same way because your mother beats you black and blue doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. Because you know twenty more cases of such is still not reason so please don’t conclude.

I’ll say this here,

“Shout out to the Real men who don’t believe playing with women’s hearts or risking kidney and liver disease are the real test of masculinity – you are the real men don’t bother what the world things, the greatest man to every live walked amongst them for three years and they crucified him anyways”


Men don’t shy away. Don’t be cowards.

See John in the story above, his girlfriend broke up with him because ‘he was too clingy’ (probably just an excuse) and Agnes, she was still healing from wounds from a heartbreak given to her by a scumbag. Both of them were healing. John thought he needed to change his game, Agnes felt she had to become hard and rigid and because of that both of them ended sad. Instead of learning from her mistakes, Agnes sought to run away from love totally.

Don’t generalize and make opinions based on one instance or few instances yeah! Learn from your mistakes don’t run away!


I’ll let you all digest this slowly. Valentine’s Day is coming (not that it matters – me writing this post now is pure coincidence), don’t miss out on “the one” because of some defence strategy and ideology you’ve formed. Learn from your mistakes. Move on, live and thrive.


Well that was an unusual blog post from me. I can’t believe it too. I’m also writing to myself (you can do it man common!) See you next month same place and I leave you with the words of C.S. Lewis – “To Love at all is to be venerable”.





  1. Omw! Yes! This is something we really need to stop doing. The example you used in the beginning is a simple real-life example that happens like all the time! I feel like once we learn how to stop generalizing everything that’s when we will learn to simplify our lives. This is such a great post and I get so excited when I read articles that ‘wake’ people up 💖

    PS – Your posts still dont show up on my Reader 😭😭💔

    Liked by 1 person

  2. tbh, I am right now in John’s situation. You have enlightened me really, on the possible reason y nothing seems to b happening yet. Thank you.
    This has changed something in me. Henceforth, I will do my due diligence to study a phenomenon I do not totally understand. Rather than subject a whole concept or race into one tag based primarily on my past experience.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Great piece of advice! There is nothing wrong for both men and women for whatever they like or love. Learn to speak out, no matter what the outcome is going to be.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Whoaaaa!!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
    Deshi, I am so sorry to be commenting on this late but wow!!!!! I was literally agreeing to every statement as I read this post! This is so nice! 🙆🙆🙆🙆
    I really loved this! 👏
    Keep up! 👏😀😀

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Ayeeeeeee the one that especially grits me is this “men are scum” business. Like people just join all these crazy movements and believe in generalizations as if it is the status quo. Just this week I met a lady who was asking me “why is it that all white people have mental issues. It seems like us black people are stronger than them”….Imagine? Meanwhile we all know Africans are just better at putting on a façade, especially when mental illness is involved. Sorry for my venting..I had to let it out. hahaha…Lovely post Deshi! Been a while I visited your blog so I’m having fun catchin up

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A woman who doesn’t agree with men are scum! It’s like God is giving me vision of wife 😂😂

      Accurate rants Joan. That mental illness deceit is very real because I think we’re even madder than them but we live under this guise of Africa man strong.

      God help us to avoid generalizing

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Because of a couple of happenings many times we as individuals tend to generalize. It’s pretty annoying though. Especially when I find myself in the bracket being generalized.


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