Tag Archives: Living

Timeline

Ladies and gentlemen introducing once again the wonderful, the extraordinary, the phenomenal, the narcissist, your favorite blogger… Wait for it… Wait for it… Deshboss!

So hello FAM, once again I’m back. It’s been a month of thinking, of reflection and of observation, and this week my topic relates to time. I titled it ‘timeline’ for fancy (well, I needed a title and I couldn’t just use time (😎😎).

If you can remember, I wrote a post some months back about freedom, to find that click here. But I recall making a point that freedom was a thing of the mind, and sometimes we put ourselves in physical cages. I specifically stated the cage of competition; my topic relates to this competition.

How does time relate to competition?

Often, we unfortunately find ourselves competing with people through life.

Some, from birth till date, we compare ourselves to others and painfully, most times this competition is one sided. I read a historic article about a Nigerian military head who was technically twins with another soldier due to how they grew together through life, one day he got a rumor the other soldier would commit a coup d’état against him, he immediately ordered his killing. Why? Competition? Now why do we compete with others? A misconception of time.

We all live in a world where over time and years, a sequence and time frame has been dictated.

What do I mean? We live in a world that already gives us a blue print for life;

At 2 – Go to nursery school.

At 10/11 – Go to secondary school.

At 17/18 – Graduate from Secondary School and go to the University/College.

At 21/22 – Graduate from University.

At 25 – Be self-made and settled; for ladies be married.

At 27-29 – Be married for men.


On and on, the world system has dictated a time-line for us.

It’s so painful that when something doesn’t happen according to this ‘time-line’ in our lives, we get depressed and worried and feel we don’t deserve to exist.

I’ve seen it over and over again and personally felt it – that my life is too slow and not following sequence but we forget one fact;

That above this ‘time-line’ lives a master of time who controls everything.

Not to get spiritual, but come on, we all know even when we deny it that there’s someone who controls everything somewhere. Even when we claim we control our lives, sometimes after setting everything in place including extra, we see our plans fail in front of our eyes with no practical explanation.

Back to my topic, the point I’m driving at is that there is no time-line. Yes, there’s that common cliché we see happening to 2 or more people but there’s no standard, life is different for everyone. If our lives followed the same sequences I’m sorry to say but the world would be boring. There would be no rich or poor, no employer or employee, since we’d all move together. This imbalances are what makes the world better. Let me step it down with my crazy illustrations.

For those of you in Nigeria, imagine you attended Secondary School with someone and graduated the same day. A month later by virtue of his/her parents financial status this person progressed to a Private University while you waited almost a year later or even more (due to Nigeria’s crazy complex systems). 4 years later that friend graduates while you still have 2 years of schooling. After graduating, your friend spends 3 years without employment while you get employed immediately you leave school. Now you’re one step ahead. The friend that got a job 1 year behind you now buys a car in 3 years and you who has been working longer doesn’t have a car. Then you get married before the friend, then the friend has a child before you…on and on.

Now the temptation is to treat life as a race and compete with this friend ignoring the fact that none of the problems were anticipated when you were still in your Secondary School Senior year. What happened?

Life Happened

Life simply showed you that there was no sequence to it. It propounded the theorem that everyone needs their own time and speed to run their own distance. Yesterday a number of my Secondary School Mates officially started their journey in the university while another number finished their first year 2 weeks ago. Does that mean those other people are permanently ahead of those who just started university yesterday? Definitely not, as life progresses and God exercises control, it won’t be like that.

Have you ever asked yourself why people older than you with almost 10 years work under you? Did they commit any sin? No! Life happened and God exercised control.

At times another factor that affects our movement is that of age. We forget so easily that

‘Age is a number, maturity is a choice’

image

When people ask me what the right age for something is, I ask, are you mature enough? Marriages have broken down because a 35 year old man or woman was immature and not ready for marriage. That’s sad and it sounds impossible but some people never really mature. So what’s my remedy? As you grow make sure you mature, don’t be a child throughout. Grow! How do you grow? Like I always propound, observe and see. Look at the pit falls of others and swerve to avoid them. Treat yourself like an adult then act like one. Like they say, ‘whatever you can conceive you can achieve’ or ‘as you think of yourself, so you are’.

Another factor that affects us psychologically is having ‘mates’ at the back of our minds. A wise person once said

‘In life there are no mates. Only in school’

image

The sooner you realize that life isn’t a race, and you’ll get there when you’re meant to be, the happier and more content you will be. I weep to see people jump into dysfunctional marriages because they wanted to beat time and not to ‘grow too old’ or young men engage in dubious money making schemes because ‘they’re meant to be rich by now’. All these things are fallacies created by our world. At times being patient is Gods time of preparing you for something much bigger and greater that might catapult you ahead of that so-called ‘successful mate’ of yours

I know this post sounds rough but in summary what I’m saying is;

1. Don’t spend your life competing with someone else. Our lives are different and can’t travel the same path at the same speed.

2. Don’t get depressed and beat yourself down when your ‘mates’ are ahead of you.

3. Age is a number, maturity is a choice.



Thank you for reading fam really appreciate till next time



Judge not – Prejudice – Stereotype 

​Hello fam I’m back after one month exactly. I’ve been busy working trying to put a Novel in place and boy it ain’t easy. Today I’m back with a post about judgment and i hope you enjoy it. I have good news after too 

Don’t judge and you won’t be judged. Don’t judge me and I wont judge you. We hear this statements everyday and in fact utter them but I don’t think we understand the gravity of those statements which is why today my blog post is titled Prejudice

What is Prejudice? According to the good old faithful Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary 8th edition, Prejudice means an unreasonable dislike of or preference for a person, group, custom, etc. In other words, Prejudice is when you make a baseless judgement of someone or something and so express hatred for it without knowing what it really is.

Let me get my definitions over it. Stereotype according to the same dictionary means a fixed idea or image that many people have of a particular type of person or thing, but which is not often true in reality.

Now a stereotype is an idea; a judgement of someone or something you make which is not exactly true but because you have had a run in with the person or thing. For example, if a girl gets almost raped or hears of a close girl almost raped and because of that hates and fears men in general so much that she judges them the same, that’s a stereotype but prejudice is when you create a judgement based on nothing at all. It is a baseless argument. It is hating for no reason no backing be it legal or what.

Where I come from in Jos, Nigeria, West Africa, the World, Planet Earth, the Solar system, prejudice is very common and I believe it is everywhere but let me speak from my locality. So easy we make judgements without facts. Let me give a typical example.

You’re driving down the street at maybe Tudun Wada those of you who live in Jos will understand and you see a young girl who is facially or body shapely 18-22 if you don’t get to see her face backing a baby and selling kose- Akara- Beancake. Most people and I myself am formerly guilty of this immediately form our opinion, In hausa we’ll say, ‘ai ga wani karuwa, yan kauyen da sun yi ciki an kore su’ (if my hausa isn’t perfect I apologize but you get the gist). We cant use literal translation but basically in English what It means is ‘Look at one of those foolish girls, one of those village girls who came to stay with people in the city and got pregnant and lost their jobs’

But ladies and gentlemen let me break to you that some of those young ladies aren’t foolish girls as we claim. Some of them are victims of rape which was done without condoms, some of them are actually wives trying to make a living but with kid faces and bodies. Some of them are trying to make their way through school. Some of them are actually pregnant ‘foolish village girls’ but they’re trying to make a living and improve their situation but the second we see them we stereotype them and make a judgement already.

Its human to judge, but we can try to reduce the way we judge it would help us relate more better. Personally, I began to practice a system, when I meet or chat someone up for the first time, I put whatever opinion of the person I may have before hand gotten from other loquacious people or whoever linked us up at bay and try to make my own assessment. True in most cases the ‘gist’ is true but there are some cases in which people are wrongly presented maybe because they don’t maintain a good image or something, and if we flow with the water we join others to stereotype them.

A friend at the University of Jos recently shared an experience. He needed help with something and had approached a lecturer for help. The lecturer called him to his office and asked him why he smokes. Why? Simply because he naturally had dark lips this man assumed that he was a substance abuser. He kept telling the man he wasn’t a smoker but the man refused to bend.

You see we make opinions and refuse to bend. I have been at the end line of people making before hand opinions and I promise it wasn’t funny. So let me rephrase the phrase I started this post with, 

Don’t make a before hand opinion of someone, try to know them and their stories then you can make an opinion’ 

I believe this quote is much more efficient than ‘Don’t judge me and I wont judge you’. Like or hate it, you will be judged but you do your part and don’t judge and karma would surely reward all those who judged you.

 ‘Do to others as you would have them do to you’

A quote by Toby Mac says, “Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on” That makes a lot of sense, don’t judge someone based on the chapter you walked in on. In this case for my blog post, the chapter you walked in on is the story, the info, the gist you’ve heard about the person. Clear prejudice and make judgements only when you know people.

So announcement time. Ladies and gentlemen I got featured on Teen Ink! Crazy right I’m so super excited but i need you votes to Stand a chance of appearing in the paper back edition so head over to Vote Here and like my story. 

Thanks fam thanks for reading God bless you and don’t judge