Perfectionism is a myth
We’re all weak we’re all bleak
We’re like muppets on a stage depending on ropes for action and God holds the ropes
Too often we try to take center stage alone and fall down face down
We all need emotional support now and then
When we debunk the myth and accept that we’re all weak and meek and venerable,
we tap into the strength of the King and reign as Princes and Princesses.
Ladies and gentlemen introducing once again the wonderful, the extraordinary, the phenomenal, the narcissist, your favorite blogger… Wait for it… Wait for it… Deshboss!
So hello FAM, once again I’m back. It’s been a month of thinking, of reflection and of observation, and this week my topic relates to time. I titled it ‘timeline’ for fancy (well, I needed a title and I couldn’t just use time (😎😎).
If you can remember, I wrote a post some months back about freedom, to find that click here. But I recall making a point that freedom was a thing of the mind, and sometimes we put ourselves in physical cages. I specifically stated the cage of competition; my topic relates to this competition.
How does time relate to competition?
Often, we unfortunately find ourselves competing with people through life.
Some, from birth till date, we compare ourselves to others and painfully, most times this competition is one sided. I read a historic article about a Nigerian military head who was technically twins with another soldier due to how they grew together through life, one day he got a rumor the other soldier would commit a coup d’état against him, he immediately ordered his killing. Why? Competition? Now why do we compete with others? A misconception of time.
We all live in a world where over time and years, a sequence and time frame has been dictated.
What do I mean? We live in a world that already gives us a blue print for life;
At 2 – Go to nursery school.
At 10/11 – Go to secondary school.
At 17/18 – Graduate from Secondary School and go to the University/College.
At 21/22 – Graduate from University.
At 25 – Be self-made and settled; for ladies be married.
At 27-29 – Be married for men.
On and on, the world system has dictated a time-line for us.
It’s so painful that when something doesn’t happen according to this ‘time-line’ in our lives, we get depressed and worried and feel we don’t deserve to exist.
I’ve seen it over and over again and personally felt it – that my life is too slow and not following sequence but we forget one fact;
That above this ‘time-line’ lives a master of time who controls everything.
Not to get spiritual, but come on, we all know even when we deny it that there’s someone who controls everything somewhere. Even when we claim we control our lives, sometimes after setting everything in place including extra, we see our plans fail in front of our eyes with no practical explanation.
Back to my topic, the point I’m driving at is that there is no time-line. Yes, there’s that common cliché we see happening to 2 or more people but there’s no standard, life is different for everyone. If our lives followed the same sequences I’m sorry to say but the world would be boring. There would be no rich or poor, no employer or employee, since we’d all move together. This imbalances are what makes the world better. Let me step it down with my crazy illustrations.
For those of you in Nigeria, imagine you attended Secondary School with someone and graduated the same day. A month later by virtue of his/her parents financial status this person progressed to a Private University while you waited almost a year later or even more (due to Nigeria’s crazy complex systems). 4 years later that friend graduates while you still have 2 years of schooling. After graduating, your friend spends 3 years without employment while you get employed immediately you leave school. Now you’re one step ahead. The friend that got a job 1 year behind you now buys a car in 3 years and you who has been working longer doesn’t have a car. Then you get married before the friend, then the friend has a child before you…on and on.
Now the temptation is to treat life as a race and compete with this friend ignoring the fact that none of the problems were anticipated when you were still in your Secondary School Senior year. What happened?
Life simply showed you that there was no sequence to it. It propounded the theorem that everyone needs their own time and speed to run their own distance. Yesterday a number of my Secondary School Mates officially started their journey in the university while another number finished their first year 2 weeks ago. Does that mean those other people are permanently ahead of those who just started university yesterday? Definitely not, as life progresses and God exercises control, it won’t be like that.
Have you ever asked yourself why people older than you with almost 10 years work under you? Did they commit any sin? No! Life happened and God exercised control.
At times another factor that affects our movement is that of age. We forget so easily that
‘Age is a number, maturity is a choice’
When people ask me what the right age for something is, I ask, are you mature enough? Marriages have broken down because a 35 year old man or woman was immature and not ready for marriage. That’s sad and it sounds impossible but some people never really mature. So what’s my remedy? As you grow make sure you mature, don’t be a child throughout. Grow! How do you grow? Like I always propound, observe and see. Look at the pit falls of others and swerve to avoid them. Treat yourself like an adult then act like one. Like they say, ‘whatever you can conceive you can achieve’ or ‘as you think of yourself, so you are’.
Another factor that affects us psychologically is having ‘mates’ at the back of our minds. A wise person once said
‘In life there are no mates. Only in school’
The sooner you realize that life isn’t a race, and you’ll get there when you’re meant to be, the happier and more content you will be. I weep to see people jump into dysfunctional marriages because they wanted to beat time and not to ‘grow too old’ or young men engage in dubious money making schemes because ‘they’re meant to be rich by now’. All these things are fallacies created by our world. At times being patient is Gods time of preparing you for something much bigger and greater that might catapult you ahead of that so-called ‘successful mate’ of yours
I know this post sounds rough but in summary what I’m saying is;
1. Don’t spend your life competing with someone else. Our lives are different and can’t travel the same path at the same speed.
2. Don’t get depressed and beat yourself down when your ‘mates’ are ahead of you.
3. Age is a number, maturity is a choice.
Thank you for reading fam really appreciate till next time
Ever wanted to view a wide span of things and see things from a relaxed and calm approach, i have just the right person! https://simplisticinsights.wordpress.com. Thank you for nominating me for this award and i’ll do my personal best to answer the questions. Seyil! as my tribal people would say
rules of the Versatile Blogger Award-
- Thank the bloggers who nominated you and share their links.
- Nominate at least 10 bloggers for the award and provide links to their blogs. Also, inform them about the nomination.
- Reveal 7 facts about yourself that your readers may not know.
7 facts about Spoken Voiceless
- The name Spoken Voiceless was actually adopted becasue i saw writing as an easier and more effective means of communication.
- I actually dont plan posts, whenever my blogging day as set by my routine reaches i just write on what has been bugging me for the past period
- All poems and content is original
- Beside my usual life-style self help topics, i actually write fiction and non-fiction more fiction. My debut amature teenager brained novel can be found here. My Poetry can also be found here.
- My passion for writing grows with every comment i get.
- I love to make new friends. Ive mad a lot just here on wordpress
- I am a Christian and i try to make christ evident in everything i say and do
Insightful blogs I highly recommend reading and further nominate for this award are:
Thank you for reading, i anticipate your thoughts on this.
Hello Happy Easter! Today i have a poem by my bro Emmanuel Ameh. You can find him on Instagram @el_._maestro. Enjoy the read!
Who has seen what we have seen? Who has partaken of the grace we’ve been given?
Grace not born of human will but grace borne on wings from heaven
Grace that was lost in the midst of Eden
But the grace by which through Christ, we were forgiven
He was bruised for our iniquities and wounded for our transgressions
He was broken for our sins and his name not even mentioned
What has been made upon us not even a single impression
All to what end? We didn’t even question
He was struck all forty but one
Because of Caesar’s mercy but mercy for what?
He was dragged to Golgotha on a stony road
All the while on his shoulders a cross of wood
He was tormented, spat on and insulted many
Yet he did not hold against nor did he despise any
Upon the cross he was nailed and left to die
Yet he bid them to be forgiven lest they die
They insulted and taunted ‘the king of the Jews’
But because of that moment we have the good news
He was given vinegar to drink as juice
A moment in a story we all now peruse
He was forsaken by His Father in a moment
The moment when all our griefs and sins were upon him like a torrent
For God can not behold iniquity
Pure, holy and righteous is he
When all was done, brute and rash
And his spirit he committed to God as out it dashed
‘It is finished’ a shout, cry of truth
With that, the temples curtain split in two
He did this for me and for you
To give us access to the throne through and through
For this reason we are free
Each man, the freedom to go on his knees
To access the presence of the Almighty
To behold the power of the great high priest
The grace we have received by this act upon the cross
Is the grace for us to believe and the grace for us to trust
After all this He was exalted above the heavens
And given a name far above hell, the sky and the nations
That at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow
From the lowest of us to the one who is crowned
And every tongue to confess that he is Lord
From he who sows seed to he who wields the sword
And we His sacrifice must forget not
For out of it was all our faith brought forth
In this sacrifice, loving and selfless
Was the remission for our sins complete and changeless
And now we can look to the cross and whisper a word
Of gratitude, of praise and of joy in one accord
Let us therefore run the race
With the mind of Christ in us always
Let us live and not be fazed
For behind us to help and strengthen is a living Grace
Happy Good Friday fam, as you celebrate Good Friday be blessed and remember whenever yousee the cross, the cost of your sins and what Jesus bore
Crucified on a tree, bled it all to set me free
I still find it a mystery, why he did this all for me
The focal point of history, Paid by his misery
But yes he won the victory, for all of eternity
Paid the cost for my sins, can’t imagine the sad scene
Cause of it, I’m now clean, I’m now an eternal being
Lamb of God he was slain, Gave a mission to proclaim
Shout till I die his great name, Do it without any shame
Now I live because he died, just because he was crucified
But now he is dignified, above all of human kind
He’s sits at the side of God, Way higher than King Herod
After shedding all his blood, His reign has no period
In the grave low he lay, Rose again in 3 days
Won death 1 way, up in heaven now he stays
A wretch and a big disgrace, now I can seek his great face
Was blind now I see 3D, saved by his amazing grace
CALVARY COVERED IT ALL
This is a sequel to my Christmas Story Sara’s Joy. To read Sara’s Joy Click Here. Josiah is Sara’s son. This is 33 years later and Sara is now 41.
Josiah kept pushing through the crowd looking for an opening to peep and watch what was happening. His being small wasn’t helpful to him at all today as he couldn’t see over the shoulders everywhere. All he could do was push through to near the front and peep through the trouser holes of whomever stood in front of him till the Roman Soldiers came to push the onlookers back and a movement caused the crowd to scatter and regroup. His mother had told him not to come but how couldn’t he? How could he not be present when Jesus of Nazareth was being tried by the Romans?
His relationship with Jesus was a special one considering that he was only a boy of 9 years yet they shared a special connection. Josiah remembered the first time he had seen this Jesus of Nazareth. He had accompanied his mother to a wedding at Cana in Galilee. The groom was a very influential society member and the crowd gathered at his wedding was astonishing. People from everywhere came as far as Jerusalem, Bethany, Bethlehem and it was also rumored that one of the wise men from the East had attended. This were the same wise men he had never seen but his Mother Sara told him she had seen the night the same Jesus of Nazareth was born in Bethlehem where her dad was an Innkeeper. His mother had made sure to tell him the story almost every night of how she helped the birth of a mighty baby. Since it was his mother who told him, he had every reason to believe Jesus wasn’t normal so he spent his days dreaming of meeting Jesus till that wedding in Cana in Galilee. Halfway through the wedding, the wine had run out and that was a bad Omen even his 6-year-old self-understood what disgrace it wrought when wine finished during your wedding. Then Jesus’ mother who Josiah’s own mother had been talking to had told Jesus the wine was finished. From where he was, he couldn’t make out the conversation but the next thing he saw was the servants filling the 6 ceremonial cleaning type jars with water. Then Jesus had asked the chief Servant to take a cup out of one of the jars to the Master of Ceremony. Immediately the Master of Ceremony tasted the supposed water, he was immediately excited and the servant who went to him also tasted only to discover it was wine. Immediately the thirsty guests begun shuffling for this wine water and little Josiah tried to find Jesus but he was already gone.
From that day he had made of habit of following Jesus of Nazareth around. After school, immediately he was done with Lessons from his Rabbi, he would run and find where Jesus was and listen to him teach, preach and heal people. He couldn’t understand most of what he said, but he knew Jesus was truly great all the miracles he saw were proof enough.
Then that day just last year he had encountered Jesus again and even touched him. As usual, he had briefly stopped by home after school to pick up his lunchbox. This particular day, his mother was going to see Jesus too but he couldn’t wait for her, he heard Jesus was nearby so he ran ahead with his lunch box. Jesus talked on and on for 5 hours straight and Josiah listened silently with the crowd his lunch forgotten then Jesus’ disciples had come round asking for who had food. That was Josiah’s chance to talk to Jesus so he excitedly waved his hands. He was taken to Jesus who asked him for his lunch box. Josiah didn’t even think before he gave Jesus the box and stood beside him as Jesus lifted the basket and prayed, then asked his disciples to share the food. Everyone ate and was filled. The people were so much! Josiah had looked to the far left and far right and there were people everywhere like the sands of the earth all eating and he had only given Jesus 5 Loaves of bread and 2 fish! Josiah couldn’t even eat; he had experienced a life miracle! From where he was near Jesus he found his mother’s eyes and she gave him a wink. The baby she helped delivered was really a great man!
After that day, Josiah only followed Jesus more and listened to him. He had heard from everywhere how many times the Chief Priests tried to arrest Jesus why they didn’t like him, he didn’t know. He didn’t see why anyone should hate such a great teacher who preached the opposite Love! He had even heard from his mother the day Jesus had almost been stoned, she had cried hard that day but that was nothing compared to today…
How things quickly changed this week Josiah didn’t understand. Just on Sunday, he and the other kids had joined the whole city as they welcomed Jesus into Jerusalem shouting Hosanna in the highest and spreading their cloaks on the road for him to ride on. That was just Sunday but today 5 days later as early as 6:45 am here they were all awaiting Pilates verdict. This case had been especially long very unlike Pilate who usually made prompt decisions. Today he had started by 5 a.m and yet there was no decision.
Just then the Roman Soldiers came, as usual, to push people back and Josiah had to quickly reposition himself. Pilate had come out 2 times already the first time to tell the Chief Priests he had found no charge against Jesus and the second time he brought Jesus out for a public beating. That was when Josiah had finally cried seeing this great man being beaten like he was pulp with the Roman cane he had only seen from afar until today. The long leather thong studded with bits of lead and sharpened pieces of bone. That cane was a sign of dread and doom to every Israelite irrespective of age but yet they flogged Jesus with it. That Jesus was still alive and could still talk fueled Josiah’s believe that Jesus of Nazareth was no ordinary man. Normally all the Jews subjected to that particular flogging didn’t live long enough to tell the story but yet he lived through it.
Just then Pilate came out for the third time and released the verdict. Jesus was to be crucified and Barabbas released. The same Nefarious Barabbas was being released by request of the same Chief Priest he troubled and switched for Jesus, had the leaders lost their minds! Josiah couldn’t believe his ears. His mother fell to her knees beside him, she also couldn’t believe it. That baby she had helped deliver was being crucified! It had to be harder on her than it was on him. Josiah still didn’t want to miss out on the miracle Jesus of Nazareth would perform to save himself. He had actually wondered with others why he hadn’t saved himself yet but remembering the story of how he left Lazarus dead 4 days, Josiah was sure it was just for Gods glory. Quickly he followed as Jesus carried his cross. Jesus was suffering truly. With all the wounds already afflicted, he was yet made to carry his heavy cross. Josiah wished he could help but he wasn’t strong enough. Where were all the men who shouted Hosanna on Sunday?
Finally, one Simon of Cyrene took the cross for a moment. The relief on Jesus’ face was evident but why won’t save himself! He had raised a dead man but yet he wouldn’t stop himself from becoming one, it was all strange to everyone. Finally, they reached the place of crucifixion and it only seemed to get more crowded. It was just 9 a.m but the sun was slowly creeping back beyond the clouds and darkness was returning. This was something that hadn’t happened before; everyone seemed to look at Jesus then look to the sky and try to make sense of what was happening. Could he be planning a miraculous sky parade?
Josiah suddenly heard the women near the cross screaming and rushed in that direction. The Roman Soldiers were pinning nails into Jesus’ hands. One look at the iron nail tearing through Jesus’ flesh and Josiah couldn’t take it too. He quickly turned away and hugged his mother tight! Finally, they hoisted the cross up and the sun completely disappeared. Darkness overcame and everyone watched in awe and eager anticipation.
An old Prophet was telling everyone Jesus was about to fulfill the last part of the Prophecies. Josiah’s Rabbi had taught him the prophecies regarding the Messiah and so far Jesus had fulfilled all. If he died now then he was undoubtedly the messiah. The sky’s darkening was abnormal too. The truth hit Josiah like a comet, why hadn’t he figured this out before? Jesus was the Messiah! Immediately he started running through the crowd shouting, “He’s the Messiah, He’s the Messiah” but nobody would take notice of him. He ran towards the cross and shouted looking up at Jesus “You’re the Messiah” Jesus looked straight in his eyes and gave a weak nod. Josiah couldn’t believe it, Jesus had confirmed to him he was the Messiah! He couldn’t keep the joy to himself he ran to his mother and told her what had just happened. She joined him in excitement but the sorrow of the moment prevailed.
10 minutes later, Jesus shouted, “it is finished” and bowed his head. He was dead. The temple guards ran to the place of crucifixion and announced that the curtain separating the main temple from the Holy of holies had torn into two. Torn? Impossible. That curtain weighed a lot and was bigger than any single man could carry. Tall and wide, thicker than a human hand. His Rabbi had once told him it took 300 Priests to move that curtain and now it was torn! Then almost simultaneously, the tombs at the bottom of the Hillside also opened. Everyone stood in awe, Josiah hugging his mother he had already seen enough strange things this morning, he was the only child around here.
2 days later
Josiah was feeding his little lamb when he heard the gate burst open. Mary Magdalene his mother’s good friend ran inside straight into the house. What would make Mary Magdalene who was one of those obviously more shaken than others by Jesus’ death run into his house? Hadn’t she just stopped by this morning before going to perfume the tomb? Josiah’s curiosity got the better of him and he walked into the house just in time to hear her shouting, “he’s alive! He’s alive! Sara He’s alive! He spoke to me” Josiah couldn’t see his mother make an attempt to speak so he asked, “Jesus is alive?”
“Yes!” Mary Magdalene answered as she took his hands and broke into a dance. Jesus was alive! He had fulfilled the Prophecy he made himself that he would rise again! Josiah was extremely happy and followed Mary Magdalene to meet the disciples. He had to see Jesus.
5 hours later
Josiah slumped on his bed. Today had been a long day with a fusillade of emotions mostly happy ones. Till he died he would make sure he told the story of this Jesus of Nazareth and one day he too, like the Criminal Crucified beside him will be in Paradise with Jesus!
Thank you for reading! Happy Easter and may you be motivated to pay Gods precious gift foward by being a voice to the nations! Amen
Good Evening fam, it’s yet another blog post Thursday. I apologise for taking a one month hiatus yet again, it’s due to the long work of fiction I’m working on. I’ll soon be done anyways that’s good news.
Today, however I write with extreme passion. This specific fire has been burning in me for a week plus now and I couldn’t just wait for today to make this post.
Today my message is for the insecure person. Now there are several types of insecurity but today I’m talking of one type and that is ‘Personal Image Insecurity’. I know it probably doesn’t exist but necessity is the mother of all inventions.
What is Personal Image Insecurity, it is when you aren’t content with yourself and so strive to be part of a different group of people.
We all go through this insecurity right from when our 5 year old selves wanting to be part of the older kids and play with them or when we wanted to be part of the cool kids who oblivious to us were even our age mates. It’s naturally ingrained but as we grow through childhood and into teenage, it’s expected to disappear. We are expected to accept ourselves but very sadly most of us never grow, we remain like those children who want to be part of the ‘cool kids’. The problem with wanting to be part of the cool kids is when you eventually become part of them they suddenly seem like the dull kids and you want to be part of another mentally created cool kids and on and on till you lose yourself.
William Shakespeare once said,
“To thine own self be true!”
That means don’t lie to yourself. Be yourself and don’t live under a façade. Christian Hip Hop artist Lecrae also in his track Free from It all said,
‘Live for everyone else gotcha losin’ yourself’
Now to why this post has been burning me, it is so unfortunate and misfortunate all together that many people in our world today refuse to accept who they are and what they have and want to be what they aren’t. What do I mean? There’s this infamous story of this young man whose mother had a badly damaged eye which made him ashamed of her. One day she finally told him she had incurred that injury while saving him from death as a baby. The part I’m focusing on is ashamed of her. But this example doesn’t illustrate my point well. About two weeks ago I heard that a young man in JSS3 denied his father. His father was a poor man managing to educate him in one of Jos finest Secondary Schools. Because he was ashamed of his father’s clothing and car, he told his classmates that was his driver. Long story cut short the Principal found out and punished the boy and I commend her although not fully because counseling him would have been much more effective anyways she just saved this young man a lot of future stress that’s if he got the right message.
Many of you will be quick to call him foolish boy but many of us do the same thing. Lemme give some examples. You’re a young guy and manage to feed your hungry phone with 200mb every week which is really stringent but you’re aspiring and saving up to buy an IPhone7. Question?
How are you going to feed that IPhone? Why do you want the Iphone? The same reason that boy called his father his driver, you want to fit in, you don’t want to be looked down upon get it?
Another example, your parents are poor people managing to pass by every day and they manage to send you to the University. When you reach there, you start forming big girl. The garri you will normally soak without groundnut sef and eat with your parents at home, on arriving campus you won’t even near Garri, you’ll join ‘pepperdemgang’ and form ‘Shawarma burger’ girl.
It doesn’t end there, I’ve personally seen adults and it pains me do this.
You’re a single lady who just got a job and you begin to see the successful pimping single girls around. Immediately you want to be part of them. Mary K Products are in vogue, you go to your friend who sells Mary K products and take products on loan (bashi) of
N150, 000 (N stands for Nigerian currency Naira) Tomorrow you see a new kind of shoe in vogue, you go and take N20, 000 bashi. By next month when you’re supposed to pay off your Mary K products, you pay half and go and take bashi of another N100, 000 Avon products because Avon is in vogue. Then you notice your car is out of vogue, you take car loan and go and buy a very expensive car. Before you know it, you’ll reach broke because of your salary deductions and your creditors will start calling then you’ll go to this friend borrow N20, 000 and pay one off, go to the next person and borrow N50,000 on and on till you exhaust your friends. My question once again is who you were deceiving?
And even married people suffer this…You know you and your husband don’t make much but because you want to level to the other women around, you force your child into an expensive Primary School, Secondary School or even Private University. Then you can’t let your child go to school with biscuit or inferior provisions, etc. because it doesn’t level up. By the time you’re done sending the child to school, you’ll soak garri and eat with your husband. Who are you deceiving? Who is being cheated?
Folks, truth is we can’t all be even in life and whether we like it or not, there will always be a higher class than us. They will never get exhausted
So what am I suggesting. Again
‘To Thine own self be true’ be 100% authentically real
Don’t lie. When you catch yourself envying the ‘cool kids’ remind yourself that trying to be them won’t make you them but working hard and diligently might take you where they are and even beyond one day. For those of you like me whose Parents managed to escape the village by the tip of the river bank, if they lived false lives, they wouldn’t have been where they are today and able to give us the lives we live even if it doesn’t measure up to what we want.
Something I do every day when I see something I want but don’t have is I use it as motivation and fuel to work hard so one day my children will not ‘be ever seeing but not having’ like me. So that I can provide it for my own children that’s the life. Truth is bitter so I understand for those of you who find this hard but all that money and time you spend trying to be like ‘dem guys’ will fare a lot better and produce more if you spend that time working hard to make it.
So fam, I’ve said it at least, I feel a huge load off my chest.
Be you, don’t lie to yourself, and accept where you are and work hard!
Song Recommendations – Tedashii Be me and I’m Good. Group 1 Crew – I Know
God bless ya’ll have a blessed day or night as the case may be.
Its an old post but still as valid. Read it and watch the video. God bless
Hey guys, so its Blog Post Thursday and im back with my words as usual. However, this weeks post is special. It took me time to think this and excitedly Make my first Video (blush). So i hope you enjoy the post and the video and please share ko!
So in the last 2 weeks, i’ve gotten so passionate about helping others and touching lives. I’ve grown so desperate to write my name in History and live a legacy and i believe we should all aspire for that. While we live our lives and chill and flex and write our names in the minds of everyone living within 10 years of us and be remembered for whatever, i think we should all aspire to leave lagacy behind. We should aspire to be immortal in the sense that our names should forever remembered for a famous and not an infamous reason…
View original post 246 more words
She is strong and fearless
Relentlessly resilient and selfless
Back in the African day she sold wood, sold vegetables, shamed herself
All to make sure her children didn’t end up useless
She wanted them to have an education and now they do
But she is being neglected of education herself
They believe she has no place with knowledge
But in reality with knowledge she can even subdue
Because the kind of resilience she worked with is more than enough for school
Even scripture likened the trouble we would go through to a woman’s pain in Labour
To show that a woman’s capacity is highly respected by even God
So this year let’s make she gets educated and is let to speak out in society And the world would be a better place
She is THE WOMAN.
I am Nenkinan Deshi a man but this #IWD2017 International Women’s Day 2017 i am joining women to #BeBoldForChange.
Hello fam I’m back after one month exactly. I’ve been busy working trying to put a Novel in place and boy it ain’t easy. Today I’m back with a post about judgment and i hope you enjoy it. I have good news after too
Don’t judge and you won’t be judged. Don’t judge me and I wont judge you. We hear this statements everyday and in fact utter them but I don’t think we understand the gravity of those statements which is why today my blog post is titled Prejudice
What is Prejudice? According to the good old faithful Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary 8th edition, Prejudice means an unreasonable dislike of or preference for a person, group, custom, etc. In other words, Prejudice is when you make a baseless judgement of someone or something and so express hatred for it without knowing what it really is.
Let me get my definitions over it. Stereotype according to the same dictionary means a fixed idea or image that many people have of a particular type of person or thing, but which is not often true in reality.
Now a stereotype is an idea; a judgement of someone or something you make which is not exactly true but because you have had a run in with the person or thing. For example, if a girl gets almost raped or hears of a close girl almost raped and because of that hates and fears men in general so much that she judges them the same, that’s a stereotype but prejudice is when you create a judgement based on nothing at all. It is a baseless argument. It is hating for no reason no backing be it legal or what.
Where I come from in Jos, Nigeria, West Africa, the World, Planet Earth, the Solar system, prejudice is very common and I believe it is everywhere but let me speak from my locality. So easy we make judgements without facts. Let me give a typical example.
You’re driving down the street at maybe Tudun Wada those of you who live in Jos will understand and you see a young girl who is facially or body shapely 18-22 if you don’t get to see her face backing a baby and selling kose- Akara- Beancake. Most people and I myself am formerly guilty of this immediately form our opinion, In hausa we’ll say, ‘ai ga wani karuwa, yan kauyen da sun yi ciki an kore su’ (if my hausa isn’t perfect I apologize but you get the gist). We cant use literal translation but basically in English what It means is ‘Look at one of those foolish girls, one of those village girls who came to stay with people in the city and got pregnant and lost their jobs’
But ladies and gentlemen let me break to you that some of those young ladies aren’t foolish girls as we claim. Some of them are victims of rape which was done without condoms, some of them are actually wives trying to make a living but with kid faces and bodies. Some of them are trying to make their way through school. Some of them are actually pregnant ‘foolish village girls’ but they’re trying to make a living and improve their situation but the second we see them we stereotype them and make a judgement already.
Its human to judge, but we can try to reduce the way we judge it would help us relate more better. Personally, I began to practice a system, when I meet or chat someone up for the first time, I put whatever opinion of the person I may have before hand gotten from other loquacious people or whoever linked us up at bay and try to make my own assessment. True in most cases the ‘gist’ is true but there are some cases in which people are wrongly presented maybe because they don’t maintain a good image or something, and if we flow with the water we join others to stereotype them.
A friend at the University of Jos recently shared an experience. He needed help with something and had approached a lecturer for help. The lecturer called him to his office and asked him why he smokes. Why? Simply because he naturally had dark lips this man assumed that he was a substance abuser. He kept telling the man he wasn’t a smoker but the man refused to bend.
You see we make opinions and refuse to bend. I have been at the end line of people making before hand opinions and I promise it wasn’t funny. So let me rephrase the phrase I started this post with,
Don’t make a before hand opinion of someone, try to know them and their stories then you can make an opinion’
I believe this quote is much more efficient than ‘Don’t judge me and I wont judge you’. Like or hate it, you will be judged but you do your part and don’t judge and karma would surely reward all those who judged you.
‘Do to others as you would have them do to you’
A quote by Toby Mac says, “Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on” That makes a lot of sense, don’t judge someone based on the chapter you walked in on. In this case for my blog post, the chapter you walked in on is the story, the info, the gist you’ve heard about the person. Clear prejudice and make judgements only when you know people.
So announcement time. Ladies and gentlemen I got featured on Teen Ink! Crazy right I’m so super excited but i need you votes to Stand a chance of appearing in the paper back edition so head over to Vote Here and like my story.
Thanks fam thanks for reading God bless you and don’t judge