Tag Archives: Hapiness

MESSAGE TO THE INSECURE PERSON

Good Evening fam, it’s yet another blog post Thursday. I apologise for taking a one month hiatus yet again, it’s due to the long work of fiction I’m working on. I’ll soon be done anyways that’s good news.

Today, however I write with extreme passion. This specific fire has been burning in me for a week plus now and I couldn’t just wait for today to make this post.

Today my message is for the insecure person. Now there are several types of insecurity but today I’m talking of one type and that is ‘Personal Image Insecurity’. I know it probably doesn’t exist but necessity is the mother of all inventions.

What is Personal Image Insecurity, it is when you aren’t content with yourself and so strive to be part of a different group of people.

We all go through this insecurity right from when our 5 year old selves wanting to be part of the older kids and play with them or when we wanted to be part of the cool kids who oblivious to us were even our age mates. It’s naturally ingrained but as we grow through childhood and into teenage, it’s expected to disappear. We are expected to accept ourselves but very sadly most of us never grow, we remain like those children who want to be part of the ‘cool kids’. The problem with wanting to be part of the cool kids is when you eventually become part of them they suddenly seem like the dull kids and you want to be part of another mentally created cool kids and on and on till you lose yourself.

William Shakespeare once said,

“To thine own self be true!”

That means don’t lie to yourself. Be yourself and don’t live under a façade. Christian Hip Hop artist Lecrae also in his track Free from It all said,

‘Live for everyone else gotcha losin’ yourself’

Now to why this post has been burning me, it is so unfortunate and misfortunate all together that many people in our world today refuse to accept who they are and what they have and want to be what they aren’t. What do I mean? There’s this infamous story of this young man whose mother had a badly damaged eye which made him ashamed of her. One day she finally told him she had incurred that injury while saving him from death as a baby. The part I’m focusing on is ashamed of her. But this example doesn’t illustrate my point well. About two weeks ago I heard that a young man in JSS3 denied his father. His father was a poor man managing to educate him in one of Jos finest Secondary Schools. Because he was ashamed of his father’s clothing and car, he told his classmates that was his driver. Long story cut short the Principal found out and punished the boy and I commend her although not fully because counseling him would have been much more effective anyways she just saved this young man a lot of future stress that’s if he got the right message.

Many of you will be quick to call him foolish boy but many of us do the same thing. Lemme give some examples. You’re a young guy and manage to feed your hungry phone with 200mb every week which is really stringent but you’re aspiring and saving up to buy an IPhone7. Question?

How are you going to feed that IPhone? Why do you want the Iphone? The same reason that boy called his father his driver, you want to fit in, you don’t want to be looked down upon get it?

Another example, your parents are poor people managing to pass by every day and they manage to send you to the University. When you reach there, you start forming big girl. The garri you will normally soak without groundnut sef and eat with your parents at home, on arriving campus you won’t even near Garri, you’ll join ‘pepperdemgang’ and form ‘Shawarma burger’ girl.

It doesn’t end there, I’ve personally seen adults and it pains me do this.

You’re a single lady who just got a job and you begin to see the successful pimping single girls around. Immediately you want to be part of them. Mary K Products are in vogue, you go to your friend who sells Mary K products and take products on loan (bashi) of N150, 000 (N stands for Nigerian currency Naira) Tomorrow you see a new kind of shoe in vogue, you go and take N20, 000 bashi. By next month when you’re supposed to pay off your Mary K products, you pay half and go and take bashi of another N100, 000 Avon products because Avon is in vogue. Then you notice your car is out of vogue, you take car loan and go and buy a very expensive car. Before you know it, you’ll reach broke because of your salary deductions and your creditors will start calling then you’ll go to this friend borrow N20, 000 and pay one off, go to the next person and borrow N50,000 on and on till you exhaust your friends. My question once again is who you were deceiving?

And even married people suffer this…You know you and your husband don’t make much but because you want to level to the other women around, you force your child into an expensive Primary School, Secondary School or even Private University. Then you can’t let your child go to school with biscuit or inferior provisions, etc. because it doesn’t level up. By the time you’re done sending the child to school, you’ll soak garri and eat with your husband. Who are you deceiving? Who is being cheated?

Folks, truth is we can’t all be even in life and whether we like it or not, there will always be a higher class than us. They will never get exhausted

So what am I suggesting. Again

‘To Thine own self be true’ be 100% authentically real

Don’t lie. When you catch yourself envying the ‘cool kids’ remind yourself that trying to be them won’t make you them but working hard and diligently might take you where they are and even beyond one day. For those of you like me whose Parents managed to escape the village by the tip of the river bank, if they lived false lives, they wouldn’t have been where they are today and able to give us the lives we live even if it doesn’t measure up to what we want.

Something I do every day when I see something I want but don’t have is I use it as motivation and fuel to work hard so one day my children will not ‘be ever seeing but not having’ like me. So that I can provide it for my own children that’s the life. Truth is bitter so I understand for those of you who find this hard but all that money and time you spend trying to be like ‘dem guys’ will fare a lot better and produce more if you spend that time working hard to make it.

So fam, I’ve said it at least, I feel a huge load off my chest.

Be you, don’t lie to yourself, and accept where you are and work hard!

Song Recommendations – Tedashii Be me and I’m Good. Group 1 Crew – I Know

God bless ya’ll have a blessed day or night as the case may be.

FREEDOM

Hello guys, its been exactly a month IKR ya’ll have missed your favourite blogger. We’ll I’m back. I’ve been fine thank you, just thinking and observing and today I finally have something to share.

So guys, today my blog post is going to be a little different. It consists of thoughts I have gathered all pertaining to one large topic FREEDOM. I’m going to make three points all relating to freedom. This thinking was actually sparked off by a group study of a poem at the American Corner in Jos (BTW one of the smartest concentration of people in one place at a time I’ve met) – I know why the caged bird sings by Maya Angelou. Looking at the poem for the first time, you’ll automatically analyse it as one of those black civil rights movements era poems, but what I love about group discussions is they open your mind and make you think of other stuff. The stuff might not be directly related to the poem, but it sure sparks off thinking. That’s exactly what happened.

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So firstly, Freedom isn’t a condition it’s a personal decision. What do I mean? Its possible to be free with no restrictions and still be caged. Caged in a psychological prison. One thing that stood out in the poem is that while the caged bird sang, the free bird wasn’t singing. Now singing is an act of joy and hope; we see that very well In the Negro spirituals. The free bird is probably so free he has no joy again and instead of singing in his freedom, to ease his boredom he begins to compare with other birds. Now Competition is just one instant of how freedom is a mental decision but it is the most common in today’s world where we all want success at any cost. Last week, I remember watching President Trump of the USA speaking at the National Prayer Breakfast (BTW I’ve never really been anti-trump) and I must confess I was truly touched. Let me quote part of what he said to help me make my point.

“…We forget this–that the quality of our lives is not defined by our material success…I tell you that from somebody that has had material success and knows tremendous numbers of people with material success–the most material success. Many of those people are very, very miserable, unhappy people”

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Even though he was talking about faith, This coming out of a rich business man, a billionaire and a President of the Greatest Nation on Earth is really something. To hear him say that many rich friends of his are unhappy and miserable is enough proof that freedom is a thing of the mind. I’m not concluding but probably the reason this people are unhappy is because they are in a psychological prison. Let me give an illustration.

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You’re a business man, very rich but you aim to be the richest man in Africa. Now you’re so obsessed with being Africa’s richest that you’re perpetually sad, even when you make a great achievement, it dosen’t matter because your eyes are set on something else. You don’t have to be a business man, it can be a High School or College student who wants to be first, somebody who wants to be the most popular, etc but my point is because your eyes are fully there, you limit yourself to a cage and instead of happily singing and being happy with your financial or social or whatever freedom and security, you remain sad and bitter. In this case you’re so free you start competing with other free birds which is an unhealthy lifestyle and totally uncalled for. Also, its painful that some people in cages don’t sing. Instead they are so bitter in the cage and become so depressed that even when they get released they fly too low and remain mediocre till they die. So my first principle.

#Principle 1- Freedom is a thing of the mind

Now next, I know we’ll all rather be free birds than caged birds, agreed but if we don’t form a pseudo cage, things can get out of hand. What am I saying? Too much of everything is bad and freedom is no exception. There’s this story of Adonis a bird whose father warned him not to fly too high but in his arrogance, he did and his wings got burnt. In my metaphor-attempt, Adonis wanted to be too free and so he pushed the limits. I’ve seen many people who wished for freedom and when they got it they blew it off, they lost themselves, some their sanity, some their purity, some have become hooked to some social vices and depressingly ultimately, some lose their lives. What point am I driving at, most of us reading this are ‘free’ people but even in our freedom we have to impose some disciplines some form pseudo caging on ourselves to maintain our freedom and to keep singing. So let me state my second principle.

#Principle 2 – Freedom without discipline is a road back to bondage.

Thirdly, Now being in a cage – a cage is any form of restriction imposed on you by higher authority be it academic or what, you need to have the right mindset. There are 2 probable mindsets you can have. Firstly, you can decide within you to observe how other free birds fall and get injured and sing of how you’ll do it differently or you can just sing of freedom and extreme freedom.

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What’s the difference, when the first type get out, they fly well and enjoy their lives singing and the second type fly to all the limits till they get burnt and fall. Many of us are in some form of cage, some in Secondary boarding schools-some in Private Tertiary institutions-some still in their parents houses but what defines our freedom and helps us not to be like Adonis is our mindset in the cage and what kind of freedom we sing about. So Principle 3

#Principle 3 – The right kind of freedom is determined by our attitude in the cage.

So those are my thoughts about freedom and I hope we take it too heart. Those of you reading in some form of cage, have the right attitude, notice the pitfalls of others and avoid them and keep singing, those of you who are free, make sure you make some guidelines or you might just get caged back and those of you who are unhappy with where you are though free, stop looking too far and make up your mind to be content. If you need to know the secret to happiness, follow this link to a previous blog post and read http://wp.me/p7KVz0-4s

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Thanks fam for reading, a 1000 words plus wow. I’m getting better at this. See you when next I see you maybe another month.

 

 

OVERCOME YOUR FEARS AND ‘FAILURES’

Hey guys, your number one blogger is here. Your blogger extraordinaire is here with the first post of 2017. Everyone has been shouting 2017 is my year of success well I hope this helps you and its also part and parcel of my #HEALYOURWORLD series. P.s. I might reduce my write frequency
It is often said, the ability to conquer your fears and move on from your ‘failures’ is elemental to Success. What does this tell us? It tells us to be big boys and girls and it also teaches us an elemental truth I would soon come to. A rather humorous African quote says,

“When life gives you pepper, make pepper-soup”

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Its funny but its the truth often life sends pepper our way sends discouragements some harsh trials and harsh winds.

What defines us is how well we rise above the tide. How well we swim pass this waves and rocket above this problems. I think I’m finally ready to state the elemental truth which is my first principle for today

#Principle 1 – Life is full of ups and downs. What makes us different is how we respond positively or negatively.

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Next, I intend to get rid of something I call a victim mindset. A victim mindset is one of the saddest things that happens to people all over the world. It Is when you tell yourself and sort of decide within yourself that what happened to you happened to you because of something you did and you will never recover from it. Let me be plain truthful That’s rubbish! And its so sad we humanly always create victims of ourselves.

People, troubles come naturally, problems aren’t different from the waves that appear on water;they come with life and because a problem is vaguely or vividly related to a circumstance in your life doesn’t mean its localized to you. It comes with life and if you cant ride the wave; don’t bother taking your surf board on the ocean. In other words, for the fact you are alive and hope to live a long fruitful life, learn to deal with the drama and save yourself from Trauma. So my second principle

#Principle 2 – A victim mindset cripples us from moving on

Now, let us examine ‘failure’ and fear. Take note I use ‘failure’ always in quote because I don’t think that word is healthy. Lets see it as a temporary recess. Like the period between death and Jesus’ second coming as a temporal thing except of course we fear the wrong result.

Now lets examine how to fear wrong and right

Fear as a word can be made into an acronym and it actually possesses 2 meanings. Its either you:

F – Forget                                                                                    F- Face

E – Everything                                                                           E – Everything

A – And                                                                                        A- And

R – Run                                                                                        R- Rise

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So after every ‘failure’ and setback, we have 2 choices either to FEAR or fear. I am using and recommending you use FEAR in capital to represent the good fear and fear in lower-case to represent the bad fear. Anyways we either, forget everything; to forget all the good that has happened to us and our possible window out of the situation; to blind our eyes to everything and everyone; to shut ourselves out from the world and run run run to where? Actually no where till we eventually depress ourselves or we can decide to face; to stand eye to eye with; to find a solution; to accept our failures and admit to others and receive their counsel; to embrace the situation and accept what has happened as it is and rise slowly.

Rising again wont be easy. Lets make Rachel Platten’s fight song our soundtrack :

“This is my fight song take back my life-song

Prove I’m alright song my powers turned on

Starting right now ill be strong

Ill play my fight song and I don’t really care if no one believes in me

Cause I still got a lot of fight left in me”

Don’t ever let your fight die. A bible verse says

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, of love and a sound mind.

When an athlete has an accident and loses their legs or their motor skills or when someone has an accident or a stroke, it takes time in physiotherapy to calmly again like a baby regain the ability to eat, talk and do other primary functions till one day you can run again.

When an eagle gets injured it also has to go through flying 101 again before achieving excellence that’s how it is when we face ‘temporal recesses’ (take note I didn’t use failure this time). We have to humble ourselves and slowly but steadily rise to our peak which will drag me to my next lesson but first lemme give our third principle.

Principle #3 – We should learn to FEAR and not fear

Now my last lesson. I know those of you familiar with me are used to 3 but today I have to include a fourth is all about wisdom in ‘temporal recesses’. Now when we make mistakes, the ideal thing to do is learn from them. To try our possible best not to make them again. To sit down evaluate and examine what led to our recess and try to avoid it re-occurring.

This is a personal exercise I do and want to advice to everyone reading or watching this. Whenever you make a mistake and have those moments of regret (if you must have them), sit down get a piece of paper and evaluate how it happened in the first place then think deep and write a resolution not to do it again. It has helped before and will really help.

A quote once said, “they say we learn from our mistakes, ill soon be a professional” and there was a picture of a little birdie. Well true but another picture said something else. “The wisest people are those who learn from the mistakes of others”.

So In essence I’m also advising something else. When you see someone make a mistake don’t give that skeptical look and attitude, but examine it see where the person went wrong and then don’t go that way. Its like going on a road and seeing someone hit the tree, you swerve to the other side so you wont hit the tree but when you hit the tree after seeing the person in front hit it, even a baby will call you foolish. Its not different from when you see someone try something and fail (hit a wall) and still do it.

So learn from others mistakes and learn from your mistakes. Take note don’t be deceived that if you learn from others mistakes you wont make yours. Yes you will make yours and someone else will have an opportunity to learn from them and how you rose again. So finally I reach my final fourth principle

#Principle 4 – Mistakes are lessons. We learn from those we make and those others make.

SO People, I think this 4 principles are a recipe to dealing with fear and ‘temporary recesses’ (‘failures’). I hope you find this helpful and travel well to your destiny. STAND UP YOU ARE A CHAMPION. Peace out and to my American readers a good farewell to POTUS and welcome to Trump. Remember Obamas words

“Believe in your capacity to create change”

So this blog post has a video find it below download and enjoy 

DREAM IT – BELIEVE IT – ACHIEVE IT

Ladies and gentlemen your #1 Blogger is back again. Its blog post Thursday!! So today’s topic is inspirational its all part of my #HEALYOURWORLD series.

So firstly, a dream in my own definition (I wont quote any dictionary) is something we believe we aspire and will go any length to achieve. This is different from the dream you have in the night mind you. But the pessimism that is so rampant in the world will tell you dreams don’t come true. Especially in an African culture, if you dream to be anything outside some professional settings, you’re regarded as very un-serious (take note I included that very) but dreams do come true . So my first principle:

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#PRINCIPLE 1 … Dreams do come true

If Edison didn’t dream of the light bulb, we’d be In darkness. If Oliver and Wilbur didn’t dream of the plane, the world will be so (I cant even imagine). If so on and so on I can name examples didn’t dream what is now wont be existing. Every new idea is born of a dream and only a dream can give birth to a lot of new stuff. Everyday technology is improving and new stuff are coming out because someone has decided to step out of their comfort zone and decided to act upon his dream. My case study for this post is one of my greatest historical figures Martin Luther King Jr. I want to use Martin to prove to anyone reading who believes otherwise that you don’t have to be a doctor or engineer or the sorts to dream something new and bring about a change. Before I start let me give my second principle

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#PRINCIPLE 2 … Every new idea, movement or change is a result of a dream

So back to Martin. Martin Luther King Jr. Had a dream that a black man will rule America in a time when black people were not yet allowed to be in the same bus with white people. Oliver and Wilbur dreamt of a big flying bird at a time when gravity still forbade anything big going up and coming down. Oliver and Wilbur faced a lot of opposition and lost their licenses, Martin got jailed several times for his fight. Oliver and Wilbur eventually pulled through. Martin too eventually got the law signed into congress. Why did I compare this 2 men, I wanted to prove that the pattern is the same in whatever field you may find yourself. My dear Nigerians, I may not know his story ill be sure to research but the person who acted Martin Luther King Jr. In the movie Selma was one of our own; a Nigerian. Why did I bring this up too, because I want to clear that belief that a Nigerians influence stops at local championism (don’t bother searching the word; I must have made it up) anyways my main point is in whatever field we find ourselves, whatever sphere of life, we can dream and we can achieve it just takes believe. It was once said, it is only what you dream of and have passion for you can achieve. That is very true all it takes for your dream to become reality is passion and you believing it. Again my Nigerians, don’t you find it amazing that in the wake of the announcement of the US elections, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie one of us was invited to a radio station to comment. She is one of us, but she has pursues her dream so much in the literary world that when Chimamanda speaks, the world pauses to read. Wole Soyinka won a Nobel Prize in Literature. There’s so much more we can achieve from where we are. All we have to do is stop dreaming alone and work on the dream believe it and achieve it. Ill close with 2 quotes I cherish a lot

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure,

We may ask ourselves who am I to be

brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

The question is who are we not to be?

We were born to make manifest through the glory of God that is within us

And while we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give others permission to do the same’.

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(this was how I learnt it anyways what may be seen in the picture may be slightly different but same message.

This quote is the final hammer that hits the nail of what I’m trying to say (well literally write). We just need to believe in ourselves and we can do anything. We are very powerful and we need not use our power

The second quote says;

‘In life work for a cause not for applause

Live to express, not to impress,

Don’t strive to make your presence noticed,

Just make your absence felt’.

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This was what Martin Luther King Jr. Did, he worked for a cause not for applause (he gave the Nobel prize money anyways), he lives to express and he only strove to make his absence felt. He died young below 40, but his impact continued.

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#PRINCIPLE 3 … What you dream of and believe, you can achieve

 

So Fam that’s that for today. I’ve by the power of God within me to make manifest delivered again today. I made a video some of you may have seen it about this topic and Martin Luther King Jr. In specific. For those who haven’t watched, I’ll attach a link. Go on, dream, believe it and achieve it. Second to last blog post of the year!!!

Letting it go – My thoughts on this

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Hey guys, your favorite writer is back (Even if I’m not yet, I’ll soon be). So I’m back and today I’m going to write about letting it go.

Letting it go…I actually touched on this topic in my former post but a chain of events have made me talk about it as a separate topic. It really hurts me and I repeat really pains me to see people living in sorrow and despair solely because they’ve failed to grasp the concept of letting it go. The world we live in this 21st century world is very vile and believe me is full of evil. As technology and modernization increase, so does the crime and wickedness in our world. The other day in a rather light argument with my mom I joked and told her that if there was no wickedness in the world and everyone lived good, the world would be a boring place. Take it or leave it, really imagine nobody over sped, nobody was violent, everyone was punctual, nobody cheated, nobody stole, everybody was orderly, the world will be so boring in fact there would be no use for media again and technology wouldn’t have been needed but friends this is our world…The drama is all part of it…the wickedness is all part and parcel of the side effects of the fall of man. So firstly I want everyone reading this post to grasp this principle.

#Principle 1…Wickedness, anger, pain, disappointment and despair are all part of life.

Okay so some of you might like to argue my principle but read my former post Story Writer https://spokenvoiceless.wordpress.com/2016/09/16/story-writer/. All this things happen for a reason. Next I would like to talk on how we punish ourselves. We’re so used to punishing ourselves we don’t even notice. How do we punish ourselves? By living in despair and anger. Its a common disease to all men I myself is a victim of. Its very related to a victim mindset. So you get robed by your colleague in 2010…its 2016 and you don’t trust anyone and in fact if any one mentions the name of that friend to you, you get sick due to anger. Or…there’s this girl you’ve dated for 8 years and have been pleading to be patient and give you time to settle down…she suddenly calls and informs you of her wedding in 3 months…6 years later you’re still single and  drinking every night..you’ve made it but you cant bring yourself to date another girl and every time you see her jeep buzz by with her 3 children you get extra drunk…or you write an exam invest all your energy and your paper falls into the wrong marker, you fail and because of that you loose vibe for education. People! This is not good at all. This is self inflicted punishment which brings me to Principle 2

#Principle 2…We’re so used to living in the sorrow and anger of yesterday that we forget to enjoy today.

Lastly, I’m going to more extensively repeat a principle I’ve already given in my post Hapiness and Joy My Personal Principles https://spokenvoiceless.wordpress.com/2016/10/20/hapinness-and-joy-my-personal-principles/. Now that we know that evil is here to stay in this world till Jesus comes for us and we also know the punishment we inflict on ourselves, lets think tactically, what is the solution? Well I believe the solution lies in letting it go. One animation I celebrate with my whole spirit, my second best is Frozen. The idea is vague but Elsa had to let it go…she had to let go of what she was holding inside her…where ill vary from her principle is I wont advocate letting it go in terms of violence or excessive self expression but ill advocate letting it go in making a personal commitment to forgetting things as they come and go. I preach to everyone who knows me the life of “Ya wuche Ya wuche” (by gone by gone…it has passed it has passed) Hausa because where English fails to express my view Hausa language does justice. When you learn to live the life of ‘forgetting as they happen’, life will be so much easier and you’ll be much more joyful and jovial. You get kicked today forget, you get slapped tomorrow forget, learn to live like this and you’ll spare yourself a lot of stress. To end this principle I’ll take a quote from Nigerian Hip Hop Artist Ice Prince Zamani….

“My brother learn to forgive and sabi to forget”.

Simple principle whatever happens say Live goes on…I know and you’ll agree that some people are naturally annoying. Infact most times people annoy us and dont even know they did anything wrong so while we’re angry, they’re simply living the life this too isn’t good. So principle 3

#Principle 3…The secret of life is letting it go

So finally guys, is there anyone you’re still angry with? is there any thing still burning you within? Let it go and your life will be much easier. Read this post and recommend to anyone you think needs it. One love. Feel free to contact me. Conclusion, watch this video by Group 1 Crew, the name of the song is BURN