Haha Today I am shaking a big table or should I say revealing what is on the table. Ladies and gentlemen welcome to my blog this month of May 2018. Apologies for delivering blog post monthly one week late I been busy with the worries of life.
So this month as the topic says I’m going to be talking about zoning. Let me start off with a question. What is zoning?
Surprisingly Wikipedia albeit un-trustable has a definition. Wikipedia says
“The sense of zone is one of being stuck in an unwanted and distant relationship. The rejected person is said to have been put “in” the object of their affections ‘zone’.
To me, Zoning has different definitions depending on how it’s used. But on a general zoning is an intentional action geared at placing people (especially of the opposite sex) in a caste which is supposed to guide your relationship to them. Hah my definition is so cheesy!
So zoning has come to lime light in the past one decade and it all started as a joke with the friend zone. Popular culture defined the friend zone as when a girl tells you she just wants to be friends when you try to go deeper. And oh zoning is evil. It usually comes in this form.
“Hey you’re a nice guy! And I really like you. I always thank God for bringing you into my life but I think we should be just friends” (heart break tune comes in ouch deep!!)
But of recent the zones have multiplied. There is now an abundance of zones. For Example there is the future probability zone (I really like you but not now maybe in the future), the generational zone (maybe one day our children will get married), the brother zone (I really like you but as a brother), the uncle/father zone (You’re like an uncle/ father to me), the attention zone (I really like the way you give me attention) and so on and so forth. I recently discovered the pillow zone (You’re like a pillow to me. Always there when I need you).
Now are there pros and advantages of zoning. Yes but when used in the right way. Zoning can avoid future problems. When you mentally zone a person you find it easier to control yourself and avoid future risk. For example, Nandom has a friend named Garos. They begin to talk much and get close to each other. Garos notices she’s beginning to imagine or harbor amorous affections towards Nandom. Garos then quickly zones Nandom mentally as a brother or friend so her heart cannot get deeper invested. Later on if Nanpon comes and confesses feelings to Garos and she tells him he’s a friend and she doesn’t want to jeopardize that. In This case Zoning is good. Zoning can also be done by both male and female. It doesn’t have to be one side.
The cons as you guess are hideous one of which is broken relationships. The Probability of Nanpon and Garos’s friendship continuing at the same intensity after Garos vocally zones him is actually very low. In most cases the friendship will just die a slow painful death because Nanpon will be left hurt. Zoning can also be bad when done because of selfish interest. Let’s say for Example Garos doesn’t really have a reason but doesn’t want to commit to Nanpon because that means she has to cut other guys off and she’s enjoying the attention. Here Zoning is bad.
The effects of zoning cannot be overemphasized. Like euthanasia that kills friendships. So how do we resolve the problem? Clarity is key!
I’ve already spoken on the importance of communication here but clarity is also key. Guys and ladies be clear and honest with your friends. If Nanpon or Garos had spoken much earlier about the feelings while they were still at infant stage they could have arrested the problem at its formative stage and perhaps even mutual zoned each other. But they waited too long and then zoning came in as damage control that inevitably failed. Be true and clear with your friends. It doesn’t hurt. There’s a common belief that feelings soil friendships but it mustn’t be that way. With clarity and maturity the problem can be handled. In the book “Boundaries in Dating” you should tots read it, one of the things the writer said was if somebody cannot be clear with you as friends then don’t date and any dating-ship without clarity is a titanic sinking. If just we were true to ourselves and others there would be less problem.
This post is also a call to stop using others for attention. It’s either you want in or out but don’t use someone as a drug – it’s very wrong.
In conclusion, should you zone? Yes! But in the right way for the right reasons. Don’t be selfish and go live and love.
And to all my brothers in the zone, fear not we shall soon escape.
Thank you for reading and see you next month.
I would love to hear how you feel and what you disagree with or questions. You can comment and Ill reply ASAP. Ciao!