Hello dear Blog readers and WordPress family. Welcome to my blog this month! Wow the first three months actually marched quick (pun intended). Read, comment and share.

I’ve struggled deeply for day’s even weeks to get the right words to write this. I want to come out as deep and inspirational because I feel this deeply but I’m not really a deep person but I’ll try all the same.

Pain is part of what it means to be human – it’s part of us. Sometimes I wonder why whoever created the acronym ‘Mr. Niger D’ refused to add pain because I feel pain is also part of our experience as humans – its integral even. Pain is felt by almost every living thing – if you need proof look for videos on you tube on how monkeys and other mammals mourn their lost ones.

Some pains are deeper than others. I’m not one of those people that believe that we all feel pain equally shit it’s a lie! We all face pain yes but in different measures and proportions. But the sad part of pain is we must get over pain or is it the good part? I call it sad because most times the problem doesn’t get resolved we must get over it and move on but good because moving on is quintessential.

Last month I had a real experience with pain and I felt it in a different dimension. If you know me well you should know the problem I face with my left knee. Well the last time I saw the doctor was in 2016 partly because I didn’t want to go through the trauma of getting a null diagnosis again. Last month I finally nerved up and convinced my mom to do the same. In the one week leading to the hospital visit I built up hopes in me of how they’ll finally have an answer to the thorn in my flesh and I even mentally visualized probable surgery and then recovery. Then we got to the hospital and the doctors told me what they told me two years ago –  to wait and hope I’ll outgrow it. My world shattered – I nearly burst into tears there in fact I had to stop talking to keep the tears from falling.

That night at home I was struck with a different kind of pain which only climaxed my depression. I felt the pain of knowing I would have to endure this thing for a long while again. The pain of knowing my restricted life would only continue and the pain made me a beast. I became angry and frustrated and didn’t shy from pouring that on people. I said things to my friends that ruined some of my relationships, I was harsh to everyone except my parents of course. I didn’t want to be nice and even more I didn’t want to live anymore like that.

But I had a Eureka moment not that I was searching for answers. A revelation moment. Something inside me asked me a question: “And so what? That’s all? Really?”

I thought through again. Yes I had problems but was suicide an option? No it wasn’t, was self-pity going to help? No it wasn’t. Was whining to papa in the sky going to bring about immediate change? No it wasn’t. Then something within me I can’t quite explain whispered into my soul

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“Just do it. Get up and thrive”

Suddenly an almost six month battle with depression started to de-climax and I began to see things clearly. My faith was revived. My writing ginger that had been null for three months woke up. I stopped viewing life in the black and white I had become accustomed to and began to see the whole spectrum – I began to live again. Not at once but gradually.

After last month’s blog post (read here), I convinced my heart to take a shot and chance at the whole love drama again and I did. It didn’t work out but my heart was happier than broken. Why? Because it was a sign of growth and moving on. I was proud that I could even try again.

Did I write this blog post just to share my story? No But I’m writing this deeply to connect to your souls and meet you where you are. We are all feeling pain as I write – for some its physical incessant pain like mine, for some is the pain of broken dreams that can’t be accomplished any more, for some it’s the pain of broken relationships, hearts and marriages, for some it’s the pain of loving someone who doesn’t love them back, for others especially my brothers in Plateau State it’s the pain of seeing your loved ones fall to the sword of Nomads and not being able to do anything about it. All of these are legitimate forms of pain and I feel your pain I do.

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But woe to us if we remain stuck in one place because of pain and depression – we must move on.

If anybody were to consider my proposal and add a P to Mr. Niger D, another M must be added too to include moving on. Moving on is hard and not easy. It seems impossible. Sometimes you start but then the past draws you back but moving on is like eating gwote – when you see gwote you seldom actually want to eat it but when you take the first spoon the rest is history. I’m not being religious here today I just want to inspire somebody to move on and thrive. On the day after my bad checkup I saw the news of Steve Hawking’s death and how he thrived for 50 years with ALS beyond his expected date of death and I was inspired. The lives of many other people who go through more than me also inspire me. I can say for those of us who live in pain we also have a great cloud of witnesses to draw inspiration from and run.

As I type this my knee sends a sharp pain but I am telling myself unconsciously you must thrive and move on. Despite this, you will survive. To all my people in the painful season I see you. Have faith and get back up.

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Run even when the wind is against you and one day probably it will be okay but even if it doesn’t get okay, you’ll be proud to know you still fought.

I don’t claim to be a master of pain but this is my story and I hope it helps you. Will you also share yours?

Thank you for reading. Over and out.

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29 thoughts on “LIFE, PAIN AND THE RESPONSE TO PAIN

  1. Deshi!!! 😭😭😭
    So much emotion in this post.
    I love how you made us all feel what you are going through, and your advice is nothing short of amazing.
    This is so beautiful as always! 👏👏
    Thank you for sharing! ✊
    PS. The pun at the beginning of the post? About how the months ‘marched on’!? Too good Deshi, too good! 👏👏😂
    Lovely post! 💓

    Like

  2. Deshi! Deshi! Deshi!
    How many times did I call you?
    You are wise.
    You have spoken well (in a typical nollywood mother’s voice)
    I saw your comment on my blog and realised I needed to catch up on your blog.
    I hope you saw the video. (I don’t trust nigerians with mincing data)😏
    You never disappoint. Your story is both touching and inspiring.
    Reading your blog all these months and I could never have guessed you are going through anything.
    It is indeed one step at a time and we are moving on to better days.
    Oh! thanks for reminding me of MR. NIGER+D.

    Like

  3. Very inspiring and encouraging. Pain, what everyone goes through, part of life that all have to deal with. Thanks for the words and strength, And I pray for more strength and grace as you go on. I will get up, move on and keep thriving

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  4. Hey Deshi! I was reading every word and felt your emotions through the words. Perhaps cause I’m very familiar with pain, the process of pain and the circle of pain. Not so much physical pain but emotional pain. During such times, you realize that although you are surrounded by people, you are truly alone in your pain and have to find the strength within yourself to move on and find hope in God alone. It doesnt happen over time, but somehow God heals pain and we find reasons to smile again. Please direct me to the blog post were you shared about your knee. I’m wondering what happened. Stay strong!

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  5. Deshi, i honestly don’t even know where to begin.
    I normally shy and lazy away from long post but for some reason, I actually sat and read this post and the other one you shared in the comment section .
    I probably haven’t felt or gone through half of the things you shared but you have somehow made us readers understand what you feel.😔😔
    I respect how honest and strong you are about your situation and i hope and pray that God gives even more strength to carry on and also inspire others.
    This post brings me to my favorite Bible verse “Romans 8:18” i hope you find it helpful and inspiring. I guess it’s true what they say “what doesn’t kill makes you stronger”
    Thanks for sharing this Deshi, stay strong and God bless you

    Like

  6. This was both emotional and inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
    My favorite part was where you mentioned Moving on past the pain.
    Pain has a way of disseminating negativity around the bearer, decided to move on helps break the holds of such negativity. Moving on doesn’t mean all is perfect… It’s a fine pointer that all can be perfect.. In time.

    Like

  7. I feel like a late comer.. but goodness! the sincerity and openness of this post….
    I totally love when people are open about their pain, process…. cos its so encouraging. Like I could literally feel the emotions. Thank you so much for sharing this.
    And hey, I hope your knee gets better soon.
    Praying for you Deshi 🙂 Stay strong

    Like

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