Well, Well. Welcome to the Month of March 8 days late. I thoroughly apologize for not putting up this blog post on the first Thursday of March which was last week Thursday – February actually ran so fast I didn’t anticipate 1st March to be a Thursday. Hopefully March will do a slow march not a fast one (if you code, you code) Also today is International Women’s day (woo hoo!) Shout out to all the Super Women out there. I made sure to scold your significant others in today’s blog post sef! So enjoy my relationship troubleshooting and give me feedback maybe I should become a love doctor. As Usual im talking to myself especially so you (you know yourself) just know i’m trying to change.
Communication is important. How many times have we heard that or even said that to ourselves. In friendships, relationships, families we all know theoretically that communication is key but most times we fail to communicate and lack of communication leads to broken relationships. Today I plan to talk on why communication is key especially in ‘relationships’
Tom – Hey B, What’s up? Sonia – I’m good and you
Tom – I’m fine. How have you been? Sonia – I’ve been okay
Tom – Sure? Sonia – Yes
5 minutes pause
Tom – What happened to us? Sonia – I was going to ask you the same thing.
Tom – I feel I don’t know you anymore Sonia – I feel I never even knew you
So a little back story. You see Tom and Sonia were very close friends; very tight indeed that they were as open to one another as books. They very much enjoyed each other’s company and companionship then Tom decided to ask Sonia out planning to put a ring on it in the nearest future. One year of officially dating and this was their conversation why?
I’m about to deliver a hypothesis which isn’t necessarily true in all cases but is very common. In most relationships which started from friendships, the female partner is the more outspoken one. The male partner always asks the female how her day was and about the issues she is facing which he offers advice to while he doesn’t feel the need to share his troubles with her and she also doesn’t see the need. At that stage it’s seen as cute and other people will even envy their bond but then when they begin to date or when the friendship reaches a certain length of time, the female partner begins to feel the male knows too much about her and begins to reduce talking and then suddenly slowly they pull apart. In some other cases, the Male partner overtime becomes too harsh in rebuking and correcting and trying to fix the female partner when she shares her problems and so she slowly cowers into her shell.
This is simply a problem of communication which can all too easily be avoided. What am I trying to say?
In Relationships communication and venerability is key from both sides!
Two people make a relationship not one. When you are in a relationship with somebody else especially one which is aimed at marriage and a life together, both of you have to trust the other person enough to bare yourself to each other and be true to yourselves. And then as a partner you have to learn how to correct and advice without being harsh!
This trust and transparency thing is a deep issue. Many women refuse to open up in new relationships because they opened up before and were hurt. Many men to refuse to open up because they don’t want a woman to see them in their weak and venerable state – a few men have also been cheated on. My job here today isn’t to investigate on or talk about the possible reasons for shelling up and preach against them but I’ll say this, don’t let a past relationship destroy future relationships. If at all you’re ready to be in a relationship again then you should be ready to open up again.
Trust and Transparency are the foundations for deep connections.
I’m using romantic relationships but communication is key even in friendships, work places and family you heard me yes family. In fact I have another hypothesis on why there is an increasing gap between Nigerian parents and children especially teenagers and youth which I will deliver another day.
So today I’m urging, contact your friends and truly know what’s happening in their lives. Go back to your girlfriend/boyfriend and really listen to them not only express yourself. Talk to your parents even if they don’t want to (I’ll write a post on this soon). If someone wants to date you and the person is not transparent, correct that now before it’s too late. When communication is part of the foundation of the relationship then it won’t be an issue later on. Learn to value communication and when communication is two edged, not only will the friendship and relationship last longer but it will be enjoyed more thoroughly. And once again I will quote C.S. Lewis, “To love at all is to be venerable”.
Thank you for reading. Ciao. See you next month.