Good evening everybody. Lol I write long so here goes. The topic sounds catchy IKR. Well it’s because I literally just crawled out of a hole and a deep one. A hole of depression and frustration that left me wishing I were dead last week but today I have new hope and I want to share.
From the poem in the 2 pictures attached you can read about silence. That was what frustrated me. Gods seeming silence and neglecting. That feeling that my prayers were just hitting the ceiling and coming back. That lack of clarity and lack of feeling God and lastly I hated myself because I believed no Christian (a writer and noisy one like me at that) should feel that and doubt and question God. To most of you, I am a rock and you look up to me for emotional support and my writings. That led me to believe I shouldn’t have problems and I didn’t want to share my issues with anyone – I thought I was the strong one. I believed I should always be on Holy Ghost high and since it wasn’t happening I was angry. But I got disillusioned as I took some time and read the bible as well as sound Christian articles online.
Lamenting is not bad Infact the bible gave us a one book course in lamenting. The below verse has the words of Jeremiah from Lamentations 3 and this is exactly how I felt,
Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer
I took a trip to the Psalms written by the man after Gods own heart and saw the same pattern – they lamented.
We grew up with a myth and we need to debunk it. We’re as weak as paper we need God and frustration will come and it’s okay to lament.
From Jeremiah, David and other bible characters we find that when we lament, we eventually remember Gods mercy. I experienced it. Last Sunday Night I wrote all my grievances said In Jesus name and poured them all then said amen. Through the week God nursed me back to complete faith and hope in him.
The silence is still there but I have hope now. A reason for living. God is working in the silence spaces. Remember Joseph spent years in Jail utter silence, Job in his pain but the master was working the masterplan.
In Conclusion, don’t hide the pain. Also talk to others, my self-sufficient pride made me locked up but thank God I opened to some people and God used them. Don’t conceal it. Don’t put the lamentation and doubt headphones on. Voice out your feelings to God he wants to hear them. Bottling them up will lead you to the pit I fell into – self-reliant pride and depression when you can bear it no longer. Tell him and watch him build your faith.
Nenkinan Nehemiah Deshi