MESSAGE TO THE INSECURE PERSON

Good Evening fam, it’s yet another blog post Thursday. I apologise for taking a one month hiatus yet again, it’s due to the long work of fiction I’m working on. I’ll soon be done anyways that’s good news.

Today, however I write with extreme passion. This specific fire has been burning in me for a week plus now and I couldn’t just wait for today to make this post.

Today my message is for the insecure person. Now there are several types of insecurity but today I’m talking of one type and that is ‘Personal Image Insecurity’. I know it probably doesn’t exist but necessity is the mother of all inventions.

What is Personal Image Insecurity, it is when you aren’t content with yourself and so strive to be part of a different group of people.

We all go through this insecurity right from when our 5 year old selves wanting to be part of the older kids and play with them or when we wanted to be part of the cool kids who oblivious to us were even our age mates. It’s naturally ingrained but as we grow through childhood and into teenage, it’s expected to disappear. We are expected to accept ourselves but very sadly most of us never grow, we remain like those children who want to be part of the ‘cool kids’. The problem with wanting to be part of the cool kids is when you eventually become part of them they suddenly seem like the dull kids and you want to be part of another mentally created cool kids and on and on till you lose yourself.

William Shakespeare once said,

“To thine own self be true!”

That means don’t lie to yourself. Be yourself and don’t live under a façade. Christian Hip Hop artist Lecrae also in his track Free from It all said,

‘Live for everyone else gotcha losin’ yourself’

Now to why this post has been burning me, it is so unfortunate and misfortunate all together that many people in our world today refuse to accept who they are and what they have and want to be what they aren’t. What do I mean? There’s this infamous story of this young man whose mother had a badly damaged eye which made him ashamed of her. One day she finally told him she had incurred that injury while saving him from death as a baby. The part I’m focusing on is ashamed of her. But this example doesn’t illustrate my point well. About two weeks ago I heard that a young man in JSS3 denied his father. His father was a poor man managing to educate him in one of Jos finest Secondary Schools. Because he was ashamed of his father’s clothing and car, he told his classmates that was his driver. Long story cut short the Principal found out and punished the boy and I commend her although not fully because counseling him would have been much more effective anyways she just saved this young man a lot of future stress that’s if he got the right message.

Many of you will be quick to call him foolish boy but many of us do the same thing. Lemme give some examples. You’re a young guy and manage to feed your hungry phone with 200mb every week which is really stringent but you’re aspiring and saving up to buy an IPhone7. Question?

How are you going to feed that IPhone? Why do you want the Iphone? The same reason that boy called his father his driver, you want to fit in, you don’t want to be looked down upon get it?

Another example, your parents are poor people managing to pass by every day and they manage to send you to the University. When you reach there, you start forming big girl. The garri you will normally soak without groundnut sef and eat with your parents at home, on arriving campus you won’t even near Garri, you’ll join ‘pepperdemgang’ and form ‘Shawarma burger’ girl.

It doesn’t end there, I’ve personally seen adults and it pains me do this.

You’re a single lady who just got a job and you begin to see the successful pimping single girls around. Immediately you want to be part of them. Mary K Products are in vogue, you go to your friend who sells Mary K products and take products on loan (bashi) of N150, 000 (N stands for Nigerian currency Naira) Tomorrow you see a new kind of shoe in vogue, you go and take N20, 000 bashi. By next month when you’re supposed to pay off your Mary K products, you pay half and go and take bashi of another N100, 000 Avon products because Avon is in vogue. Then you notice your car is out of vogue, you take car loan and go and buy a very expensive car. Before you know it, you’ll reach broke because of your salary deductions and your creditors will start calling then you’ll go to this friend borrow N20, 000 and pay one off, go to the next person and borrow N50,000 on and on till you exhaust your friends. My question once again is who you were deceiving?

And even married people suffer this…You know you and your husband don’t make much but because you want to level to the other women around, you force your child into an expensive Primary School, Secondary School or even Private University. Then you can’t let your child go to school with biscuit or inferior provisions, etc. because it doesn’t level up. By the time you’re done sending the child to school, you’ll soak garri and eat with your husband. Who are you deceiving? Who is being cheated?

Folks, truth is we can’t all be even in life and whether we like it or not, there will always be a higher class than us. They will never get exhausted

So what am I suggesting. Again

‘To Thine own self be true’ be 100% authentically real

Don’t lie. When you catch yourself envying the ‘cool kids’ remind yourself that trying to be them won’t make you them but working hard and diligently might take you where they are and even beyond one day. For those of you like me whose Parents managed to escape the village by the tip of the river bank, if they lived false lives, they wouldn’t have been where they are today and able to give us the lives we live even if it doesn’t measure up to what we want.

Something I do every day when I see something I want but don’t have is I use it as motivation and fuel to work hard so one day my children will not ‘be ever seeing but not having’ like me. So that I can provide it for my own children that’s the life. Truth is bitter so I understand for those of you who find this hard but all that money and time you spend trying to be like ‘dem guys’ will fare a lot better and produce more if you spend that time working hard to make it.

So fam, I’ve said it at least, I feel a huge load off my chest.

Be you, don’t lie to yourself, and accept where you are and work hard!

Song Recommendations – Tedashii Be me and I’m Good. Group 1 Crew – I Know

God bless ya’ll have a blessed day or night as the case may be.

#HEAL YOUR WORLD

Its an old post but still as valid. Read it and watch the video. God bless

Spoken Voiceless!

Hey guys, so its Blog Post Thursday and im back with my words as usual. However, this weeks post is special. It took me time to think this and excitedly Make my first Video (blush). So i hope you enjoy the post and the video and please share ko!

So in the last 2 weeks, i’ve gotten so passionate about helping others and touching lives. I’ve grown so desperate to write my name in History and live a legacy and i believe we should all aspire for that. While we live our lives and chill and flex and write our names in the minds of everyone living within 10 years of us and be remembered for whatever, i think we should all aspire to leave lagacy behind. We should aspire to be immortal in the sense that our names should forever remembered for a famous and not an infamous reason…

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The Woman 

She is strong and fearless
Relentlessly resilient and selfless 

Back in the African day she sold wood,  sold vegetables, shamed herself 

All to make sure her children didn’t end up useless 

She wanted them to have an education and now they do 

But she is being neglected of education herself 

They believe she has no place with knowledge 

But in reality with knowledge she can even subdue 

Because the kind of resilience she worked with is more than enough for school 

Even scripture likened the trouble we would go through to a woman’s pain in Labour 

To show that a woman’s capacity is highly respected by even God 

So this year let’s make she gets educated and is let to speak out in society And the world would be a better place

She is THE WOMAN.

  

I am Nenkinan Deshi a man but this #IWD2017 International Women’s Day 2017 i am joining women to #BeBoldForChange. 

Judge not – Prejudice – Stereotype 

​Hello fam I’m back after one month exactly. I’ve been busy working trying to put a Novel in place and boy it ain’t easy. Today I’m back with a post about judgment and i hope you enjoy it. I have good news after too 

Don’t judge and you won’t be judged. Don’t judge me and I wont judge you. We hear this statements everyday and in fact utter them but I don’t think we understand the gravity of those statements which is why today my blog post is titled Prejudice

What is Prejudice? According to the good old faithful Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary 8th edition, Prejudice means an unreasonable dislike of or preference for a person, group, custom, etc. In other words, Prejudice is when you make a baseless judgement of someone or something and so express hatred for it without knowing what it really is.

Let me get my definitions over it. Stereotype according to the same dictionary means a fixed idea or image that many people have of a particular type of person or thing, but which is not often true in reality.

Now a stereotype is an idea; a judgement of someone or something you make which is not exactly true but because you have had a run in with the person or thing. For example, if a girl gets almost raped or hears of a close girl almost raped and because of that hates and fears men in general so much that she judges them the same, that’s a stereotype but prejudice is when you create a judgement based on nothing at all. It is a baseless argument. It is hating for no reason no backing be it legal or what.

Where I come from in Jos, Nigeria, West Africa, the World, Planet Earth, the Solar system, prejudice is very common and I believe it is everywhere but let me speak from my locality. So easy we make judgements without facts. Let me give a typical example.

You’re driving down the street at maybe Tudun Wada those of you who live in Jos will understand and you see a young girl who is facially or body shapely 18-22 if you don’t get to see her face backing a baby and selling kose- Akara- Beancake. Most people and I myself am formerly guilty of this immediately form our opinion, In hausa we’ll say, ‘ai ga wani karuwa, yan kauyen da sun yi ciki an kore su’ (if my hausa isn’t perfect I apologize but you get the gist). We cant use literal translation but basically in English what It means is ‘Look at one of those foolish girls, one of those village girls who came to stay with people in the city and got pregnant and lost their jobs’

But ladies and gentlemen let me break to you that some of those young ladies aren’t foolish girls as we claim. Some of them are victims of rape which was done without condoms, some of them are actually wives trying to make a living but with kid faces and bodies. Some of them are trying to make their way through school. Some of them are actually pregnant ‘foolish village girls’ but they’re trying to make a living and improve their situation but the second we see them we stereotype them and make a judgement already.

Its human to judge, but we can try to reduce the way we judge it would help us relate more better. Personally, I began to practice a system, when I meet or chat someone up for the first time, I put whatever opinion of the person I may have before hand gotten from other loquacious people or whoever linked us up at bay and try to make my own assessment. True in most cases the ‘gist’ is true but there are some cases in which people are wrongly presented maybe because they don’t maintain a good image or something, and if we flow with the water we join others to stereotype them.

A friend at the University of Jos recently shared an experience. He needed help with something and had approached a lecturer for help. The lecturer called him to his office and asked him why he smokes. Why? Simply because he naturally had dark lips this man assumed that he was a substance abuser. He kept telling the man he wasn’t a smoker but the man refused to bend.

You see we make opinions and refuse to bend. I have been at the end line of people making before hand opinions and I promise it wasn’t funny. So let me rephrase the phrase I started this post with, 

Don’t make a before hand opinion of someone, try to know them and their stories then you can make an opinion’ 

I believe this quote is much more efficient than ‘Don’t judge me and I wont judge you’. Like or hate it, you will be judged but you do your part and don’t judge and karma would surely reward all those who judged you.

 ‘Do to others as you would have them do to you’

A quote by Toby Mac says, “Don’t judge my story by the chapter you walked in on” That makes a lot of sense, don’t judge someone based on the chapter you walked in on. In this case for my blog post, the chapter you walked in on is the story, the info, the gist you’ve heard about the person. Clear prejudice and make judgements only when you know people.

So announcement time. Ladies and gentlemen I got featured on Teen Ink! Crazy right I’m so super excited but i need you votes to Stand a chance of appearing in the paper back edition so head over to Vote Here and like my story. 

Thanks fam thanks for reading God bless you and don’t judge